**our eating disorder continued, if this topic is too intense for some of you to read we understand and please feel free to skip over this post.
Thanks for all the comments on our first part of our being twin story the not so pretty side. Sorry for bringing such an intense topic on the blog but we feel it is a side of us that we needed to bring out to hopefully help us continue to grow stronger 
and to reach out and help someone else! Thanks again to all of you for the continued support that post was one of our biggest ones yet!
Now onto the part of being twins that really hurt the both of us!
Our lack of self-esteem which lead to our biggest obstacle EATING DISORDER.
This is what caused most of our problems!! Again we mentioned another part of our eating disorder here and here.
Counting calories from food and exercise can be a great tool. Please do not get us wrong, there are benefits to keeping track of what you consume and sweat out.
But for us it was hell!!!!
Let me explain.
Our eating disorder started when we were young. Started off because of our weird eating patterns due to our digestive issues. Then over time it developed into self image issues. Are we pretty? Are we skinny? Are we smart? Are we good enough? These are the questions that we continued to experience which I know many girls (and boys) do!
Again this was something that was building up over time…through high school and into college.
We would calculate everything!! And over did it!
How many calories did we eat for breakfast? How many calories did we burn at the gym? How many total calories did we consume that day??? Did one twin walk more than the other? Etc.
It was a nightmare for the two of us! Something we just could not stop for some reason.
Example of a true experience:
If one twin was on the treadmill more than the other. It was war! Even if the one twin just maybe burned 10 more calories then other… the other twin would be furious.
Or
If one twin thought the other twin gave that twin a bigger portion of food, the other twin had to take an extra bite of something to make up for it. Again it was war!
The fights got real intense sometimes!
We even started to weigh out all of our food (to the exact oz), to make sure no twin was getting more than the other. It was a constant battle in the kitchen.
I cannot even begin to tell you how bad this was. It was extremely detrimental. It nearly destroyed our friendship. Our twin sister bond.
I mean we would literally scream…yell….cry….run away…it was bad!! It even hurts to think about it now.
We still have long talks about this topic all the time. We still struggle with some of these issues. We sometimes still fight over these issues. Not as bad as before, but still something we work on daily!!
Funny thing is, we both want the other to be happy, to be successful.
But we still battle with each other????
Now we do LOVE being twins. Again we know no different. And we are not trying to scare anyone who may want twins or has twins. There are so many benefits of twins!!
Our eating disorder along with self image issues has improved greatly We have learned to love our selves again. It was a long journey because we were literally trying to get over an addiction…but we eventually did.
Now for the big question:
Do we want to have twins?
M: Yes, I think I would love to have twins. I am grateful everyday for having a buddy! Although I do get scared about what kind of relationship they would have. Lori and I have meet twins that hate each other and we have meet twins that are like us and love each other. It can be scary, but again like any child, they must learn on their own. It breaks my heart when I hear about twins that hate each other…Lori and I both feel that means you are pretty much hating yourself.
L: No, mostly because of fear. I do not want them to experience what Michelle and I have experienced. I would not be mad or upset if I had twins, I just would not chose to have them (like I have a choice).
We both agree that a twin bond cannot be replaced. It is such an unique bond. Un-describable connection. Why wouldn’t we want that type of bond for someone else? To let them feel what it feels like to know someone always has your back? Someone that will keep your deep dark secrets? Trust without question? With just one look, she (or he) knows what to say or not say?
Any questions for us that you want to know? Want us to clarify??
Really, we do love being a twin. We love everything about it, even the bad and ugly stuff.
There is one more part of the being twin serious – coming soon- more about how we got over our obsession with counting calories, etc. And where we are presently.
Till next time,
L&M
p2r twins
{ 52 comments… read them below or add one }
thanks for much for sharing so honestly. me and my twin have never been the competitive type, but there has always been the “comparison” issue made from others and esp. our parents in terms of everything – our work, our looks, our body image, our eating!
i would love to have twins one day too – there is this unique bond that i hv with my twin that no one can replace! it’s so special, love it!
Junia that is awesome, glad you two never got too involved with being competitive, good for you! And yes bond is an amazing thing to experience!
wow you guys have been through quite a bit, ya Jenn and I have DEFINITELY had our fights like that. It would be mostly over clothes (haha, typical teenagers). She’d wear something of mine, then I would have to wear something of hers to “make up” for her wearing my thing. It’s actually really funny when you look back on it. I have a feeling Jenn and I are in the process of finding a balance we are still going through stuff (well at least I am). I would definitely want to have twins because it is one of the strongest bonds I feel, that humans can experience. But I would just have to be extra conscience of things such as if they are happy or if they’re building too much of a dependancy. I would definitely put them in different schools, again depending on their behaviours. thank you guys for sharing! sending twin love your way!
thanks Jennifer and Jaclyn you two are so cute! yes we still had our fights over clothes too haha sending twin love right back at you!!
I love how open and honest you are in these posts! I always wanted a twin, but now after hearing the good, the bad and the ugly…
I still want a twin
YAY Brittany
so glad we did not scare you, haha – twins are great!
Honestly, I can completely see where you two are coming from on this. I see the competitive stuff that I went through with my sisters and we aren’t even twins. Being so close in age, looks, life can definitely make you question yourself when the same things don’t happen at the same time. I am so glad that you can communicate through it now though. That is the best way to work through things in any relationship!
Sarena, yes having open communication and talking about our issues has really helped! We feel much stronger now
Learned so much!
Like I said before, you two are so strong! Everyone has their obstacles to get through. SOme more than others, but hey “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!”
I look forward to the third part of the series
Alex so true! Thanks for the continued support
Beautiful, brave girls…
Thanky you this post is so amazing. I am so happy you guys recovered and are now helping us all:)
Wow, thank you guys so much for sharing this. I know the bond between twins is a special one, so I am so glad you two are continually working through it to make sure you keep your bond and love for each other strong!
wow, that’s pretty scary that you would weigh your food. I’m so happy to read about how far you have come from those days. Thanks for sharing!
Teri – I know, we would weigh everything. It was crazy. We were exposed to weighing out food pretty young, because are two older sisters were body builders. We were familiar with strict diets, not that it made it easy.
Once again, beautifully honest! I too struggled with counting every calorie and logging them religiously. I had suffered from an eating disorder in high school and into my early 20s. Actually getting crohns helped me overcome it since I lost so much weight being sick, I had to get all the calories I could. It was pretty freeing. Anyway, I am glad you both are better now and I heart you gals! Xoxo
Lauren, thanks girl! I am glad that you were able to overcome your eating issues as well and that you are doing better
I think so many girls suffer from similar issues that hopefully we can all help each other and not let food be our enemy any more 
thank you for sharing this. Really, it opens my eyes (even now) to a lot of issues sister might have, or even friends. YOu two are gorgeous, inside and out.
Thanks Lindsay! xoxo
sometimes it’s so difficult when you are battling with your own head let alone 2 minds. i seriously cannot beging to understand how hard that must have been for both of you! ::hugs:: so glad to see that you have found your way out and are living life to the fullest!
Yes Melissa with 2 minds having these thoughts was intense at times. But with having 2 minds also helped us overcome it too, well we think
power in numbers I guess, haha. HUGS
As a mother of adult children, I am curious how
your mother dealt with all these issues?
I think it would have been so painful to watch
the two of you go through this stuff.
I know she is relieved the two of you are doing
so much better.
Betty great question. Our mother knew very little about how bad our issues were, we did not want to worry her, and it was something that Michelle and I needed to work though. Our family was always supportive of us and never did judge us which was great. Probably not the best thing that we kept most of our issues quiet but over time our family saw what we were going through and tried to help the best they could. Mainly they just listened to us which sometime is the best medicine. I know it was difficult on our mom but I think now she sees how much better we are doing and is thrilled
I relate to this a lot, even though I don’t have a twin…my sister is a few years older than me but we are so close it almost feels like we are twins. We have been compared to each other our entire lives and I always put a lot of pressure on myself to “live up” to my sister. And I felt very similar as you two do, whenever my sister and I would work out together or eat together I would always compare how much I did or ate to what she was doing. It was so unhealthy, and it was hard because I love her so much. I’m closer to her than anyone else in the world and I trust her with my life, but somehow I felt like I was in a sick competition with her. I don’t feel that way anymore- although once in a while I still struggle with trying to live up to her standards…whatever that means! I think this is probably very common amongst twins or close sisters. I’m glad that you guys are in such a better place now and you have overcome a lot. And thanks so much for sharing about this personal topic. I also really appreciate you being so open about your eating disorder. My own experiences are difficult to talk about but I think it is important for us who have struggled to open up and tell others who are struggling that it gets better
xoxo
Hayley thank you for sharing you story and struggles. Sounds like you had similar problems, it can be tough not to compare ourselves to others especially family. I am still trying to figure out how that can be overcome for when I am ready to have kids, I do not want them to feel that way. Hard questions to think about. Eating disorders are never easy to talk about or admit, but I think it is important to do so because that can help with the healing process, well in my opinion at least. HUGS
Thanks for sharing such a personal story. I can sense the pain while reading it but also see that you two have evolved into healthy beautiful young ladies. You’ve learned from your past and your sharing is empowering and inspiring to all who read no matter what their age. xoxo
Heidi – Thank you sweet lady!! It was painful to write, but also therapeutic. We have never been the best at sharing how we feel, so having a blog has helped us with that fear.
Very powerful post. So glad you are healing.
I do have a question: do you take turns writing this sort of post…how does it work? I have a hard time sharing the work writing so just curious.
loved this installment of your journey as twins. i really can’t imagine that sort of competition, i am so glad you guys got passed that!
erm, past.
You girls are so beautiful and so brave. I can imagine that having someone who is like a ‘mirror’ could make certain aspects of eating disorders so hard–because eating disorders are so isolating, and you have to isolate from your closest confidant and reject them too. It’s really inspiring to hear and see how you have come through.
Love that you share your contrasting takes on whether you’d want to be mother to twins.
Thanks again
love
Ela
Thank you for sharing your story. I just went back and read your part 1. Have a sister I can relate to the competitiveness, but I can imagine all the extra pressure of being twins. I’m so glad that you two are in a better place and can share your journey with us.
Hi girls,
I’m a big reader of your blog, but never commented! This topic is too close to heart not to say anything, though. My sister is just 2 years older than me and we had the exact same dynamic. We were super close and loving, but because we were battling similar issues growing up, we fed off of each other and it could sometimes get ugly. As much as it sucked to have her to compare myself to and vice versa, we both learned a lot from each other about our respective selves and continue to support each other wholeheartedly today. It’s all character-building at the end of the day and an ultimate testament to our strong bond.
Love what you girls are doing!
xoxo
Thank you so much Aylin for commenting
That is great to hear that you two learned a lot from each other and now support each other 
That is awesome. Sometimes it takes getting through difficult times to see that! Thanks again for commenting it is great to hear from you!
Thanks for sharing this honest story, it was very powerful. I had no idea how much harder the stresses of teenage years could be with a twin. I could relate to a lot of the obsessive calorie counting and exercising and a certain about of competitiveness with other students, but not like that.
Christine thank you! Being a twin has it challenges and maybe we were different than most twins but maybe not. We have grown and learn so much from each other even through the bad.
wow these posts are soooo moving! thank you for sharing, for being real, honest, open, and not hiding things. thank you for keeping it real b/c it makes me love both of you even more…you are SO genuine!!
I am always amazed at the bonds twins have. Sometimes i wish i could have that…But that was not the role I have walked in this lifetime. No twin sister for me hiding out anywhere
Thanks Averie. HUGS
Oh my goodness. Thank you so much for sharing this. Not even having a sister, I really never grew up feeling physical competition with other women but I see my stepsisters struggling with the fact that I am smaller than them even though I am older, and that hurts me a lot. But oh, the fights siblings could have … wow. You two are both insanely beautiful and wonderful women and I must say, despite your hardships, I am envious of the bond you have and the connection you have, the relationship you have obviously worked on over time. In my family, we just don’t talk about anything. Ever. I wish it were different, and I commend the two of you for being able to talk about the dark times you faced in the past. This post is so real – thank you so much, again. Love you both!!
Thanks Ilana! You are so sweet. I feel so many of us have experienced such similar things.
Again, you’re so brave for sharing this. Having an ED is bad enough when you’re your own worst enemy- I can’t imagine how difficult it must have been to have a supporter in your disordered thinking. You two have clearly overcome so much, and while I know first-hand that EDs never go away 100%, the way you’re both committed to your health really is inspirational. Keep on shining, girls!
Thank you so much Gabriela, you are so sweet! Yes the difficult times were very intense for us but we eventually got through it. We realized that we are both beautiful and need to stop hurting each other.
I can really understand how you got there. The competitive nature our society drives into us with media messages, expectations etc would be so difficult with your most loved one, your twin, yet there all the more.
Thank you for sharing your story ladies and I am sure your experience will be a gift of knowledge and help for many others.
Hi guys, I am fairly new to your website (I was first brought here by a link with someone raving about your great socca ideas!) I am very glad I discovered your website! It is interesting to learn about what it might be like to be a twin. I am an only child and it is difficult for me to even imagine having a sibling.
I think that more people should learn about how twins really feel so that they would start to treat individual twins as individuals. It is great that you are sharing your story – I’m sure people who read this will really think about how they are viewing twins – especially kids who are twins – are they respecting their individuality enough?
Danielle – happy to hear you found us through SOCCA!! We love that stuff
Hey! This is Stew, Katie’s (SweetTater) boyfriend. It was great to meet both of you last night (+Gary), we should all get together sometime! Teach me how to dehydrate shit!! I relate to your story a lottt. This is really similar to what happened to me in highschool. I was sick all the time and eventually realized that I felt better when I avoided food altogether. It spiralled out of control for a lot of years, but the past two years or so have been much better. Anywayyyyy, I’m glad you guys live in the QC now (that’s what the cool kids call it), let’s hang out!
Thanks Stew!! It was a pleasure meeting you as well, as yes we will get together here soon!
Aww I”m behind on blog reading!
ok, Im SO happy I semi inspired you guys to write about this! And I’m so happy to hear that although you think alike, you do disagree on some things like on having twins. I really would love to meet both of you. I felt like foodbuzz was so quick and it sucks that both of your couldn’t go.YOu have to come to LA or I should just drag my ass to charlotte!
Yes Eden we need to plan a trip, we would love to hang out with you too!!! HUGS
Thank you for sharing this – my two best friends are twins and as kids we were inseparable (we lived across the street from one another and our parents are each others god parents) but I was always a bit jealous how they just knew… Like everything about each other – now I love that they do because if I’m worried about one I can call the other to find out if I’m justified (she’s going through a divorce and I want to be sure she’s okay)
on no Joy, I hope your friend is okay going through a divorce. Our thoughts are with her and you!
hi girls,
i just came across your blog and i must say it takes a lot of courage to post such honesty. i myself am recovering from an eating disorder and can relate to so many of the haunting thoughts and obsessions. but it’s nice to know that you’re not alone, and that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel.
cant wait to read more